My place in the world

I understand somewhat about why I'm so lost. I know who I'm supposed to be. I'm the daughter of a Native American leader. I'm supposed to be the traditional girl who beads and dances. I'm supposed to speak my fathers language. I'm supposed to know how to tan hides and make dry meat. I'm none of those things. I bead. That's about it. I don't dance, I don't speak more than a handful of words of what is considered my "native" language. Tanning hides is smelly and kinda gross if you know the mechanics. My main interest in dry meat is eating it. I'm a white girl living a native girls life.

Who am I? I'm the chubby chat chick you laugh about. I'm the one who sits at home with a bag of doritos instead of going to the movies. I'd rather talk to people through my keyboard than in person. If I have to talk to "real" people, I tend to have panic attacks. How sad is that? My house is a mess, and that bugs me, but not enough to get up and clean it. I'm lazy too. A lot of the time, cleaning seems rather useless to me. I have a six year old child and she's got a very destructive attitude toward the world. If it's somewhere, it needs to be somewhere else, usually the middle of the floor. I guess I can blame genetic messiness on it.

I get up, play world of warcraft, send my daughter off to school, WoW some more, go to work, come home, feed the kidlet, and play wow until time to go to bed. Am I addicted to WoW? yes, I am. I feel that it's better than being addicted to alcohol or drugs. I'm here, physically with my child. She never has to worry if mommy's coming home tonight. Is it a perfect solution? No. I need something to engage my mind while I sit at home all night. I can only take so much of Barbie Fairytopia before I feel an insane desire to slash my wrists and paint the walls with my blood. I certainly think that Wow is healthier than that.